I am losing my steam.

I went in with guns blazing (well...rather, I went in with a fabulous organizational system, good intentions, and a dream).

Now, as the semester moves into month two of four, I feel my interest waning.

I'm finding many things to do that seem way more important than doing my school work (or, at least it seems so at the time).

For instance:
I need to finish a paper for my Restoration Literature class. But, I want to watch Dr. Phil. And, I actually end up watching my belly for an hour as it twitches and moves around. I am almost able to make out little feet and elbows as they protrude from my gut sporadically (It's very sci-fi....much better than Dr. Phil).

What I am dealing with here is more than a simple case of laziness.
That isn't it.

I am trying to weed out which moments to relinquish and which to savor. When so many exciting things are happening in one's life, it is challenging to absorb the energy and importance of all of them.

I don't want to relegate this predicament solely to the female sphere. But, we do often here about it in the female paradigm.
It usually sounds like this:
Can women really have it all?

This ubiquitous question rings out into a sea of women who struggle with balancing work and family (not to mention personal interests and hobbies).

But, I watch my husband do it too. I watch him feel guilty when he has to work a lot because he misses time with me and Kaylan. Two weeks ago, he couldn't make one of my doctor's appointments due to work. It was the first one he missed; my feelings weren't hurt. My doctor basically weighs me, measures me, prods me, takes my blood pressure, and tells me I'm good. That's the whole she-bang. But, he was dissappointed to miss it. I also see him fretting when he spends a lot of time doing family things and doesn't plug in enough at work. He worries about not getting ahead in his career. So this phenomenon in which we are constantly forced to divide our attention is very much an American thing--not a woman thing.

What is the answer?

I want to excel in my classes. I want to write a brilliant thesis. I want to pull together a fabulous season of children's theatre camps this summer.

I also want to enjoy this pregnancy. I want to dream about, wonder about what this little baby girl inside of me looks like, what she will be like.

I want to spend more time with my family. I want to take my 8 year-old to the new Napolean exhibit. I want to go out of town for the weekend with my husband. I want to go to the movies with my mom and sister.

I want to watch a bunch of films that I don't have to watch for school, and read books that I don't have to read for school.

I want to play Lady MacBeth this summer on the new waterstage downtown.
I want to train my dogs not to be Cerebus incarnate.
I want to exercise everyday and see how strong I can get.

Ultimately, there is no daytimer/organizer in the world that can help me out on this.

I just have to go on my gut and hope that I am choosing to focus on the right things at the right times.