The theme of week one is the predicament of the thesis.
Since day one of my grad school experience, I've wanted to write a master's thesis. In doing so, I thought I could get a leg up on my doctoral thesis, publish chapters as I go (thereby adding to my c.v.), and look smart and ambitious in general.
thoughtful sidebar:
This is something I took with me from my training in the theatre--if you posture yourself in a certain physical state, the emotional state will most likely follow along. For instance, when I am doing a scene in which I must cry, I will alter my breathing, adjust the focus of my eyes to the background, and clench my abdomen (essentially, enact what happens to my body when I really cry). And, by God, every time the water works get going, I get emotionally invested in the moment, and everything happens naturally from that point.
back to the point:
Therefore, I have to put myself into a challenging situation to force myself to do my best. It's weird, but it's what I do.
My dear husband knows that I have this weirdness, yet he does what he can to push me into a more pragmatic place. He says, "Why don't you just take the comps? You'll fly through it and be done faster." And, finally his ploy, paired with the eminent arrival of one infant, I decided to acquiess and take the comps.
Then, this week, my weirdness rears its ugly, weird head and snarls, "Comps are for wimps! Write the thesis, you pansy-ass!" While I care what my husband thinks, I could deny my impulse to punish myself with more work no longer.
I resolved, at the last minute, to write a thesis.
This will leave me with another semester of school in which to finish the thesis. But all of my course work is done, so I won't have another semester of tuition to pay.
Ultimately, I'm left with the fact that I really am not a glutton for punishment. I just like being a student; I like to read and write; I like to learn new things. Eventually this part of my life will be over, and I know I will be reminiscent. I need to enjoy this experience while I live it and not try too hard to rush it along.
Does this make me a bit on the dorky side of things?
Yes.
Do I care?
No.
4 comments:
I admire your decision to write the thesis. Since it appears you plan to go on and earn your doctorate, I'm sure it will benefit you in the long run! As for me, I don't mind being a pansy. My master's program (general ed) doesn't require a thesis and boy am I glad. I've enjoyed the learning experience, but I'm ready to have homework and less-stress evenings and weekends for a change.
Julie,
Thanks for your vote of confidence.
And, don't get me wrong, the "pansy" quotient only applies to myself. I think pragmatically when it concerns others. Again, my weirdness.
Mandee,
You are not alone in your need to be challenged in order to do your best work. According to the televsion show G.I. Joe, "Knowing is half the battle." I often find myself needing to be a little bit fearful or intimidated in order to really concentrate on something. I suppose it has to do with our psychological response to stress.
I'm sure you will write a great thesis.
Thanks, Mike.
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