PREGNANCY BRAIN

Something bizarre happens to one's brain when pregnant. I call it "pregnancy brain".

Pregnancy brain is an awkward state to be in, at best, and a dangerous one, at worst. I find myself hovering close to the worst case scenario as I try to grapple with teaching and grad school in this state of brain dysfunction.

For those of you who've never experienced pregnancy brain, here are a few symptoms:

*transposing letters in words
example: "blightlub"
translation: "lightbulb"
*name switches
example: I've been calling my sister Kaylan and my daughter Kim
problem: My sister is actually Kim and my daughter Kaylan
most disturbing example: Calling my husband "mom" and my mom "honey"
problem: obvious
*a loss of basic vocabulary
example: "Would you hand me the ______ (pointing feverishly at a fork)?"
translation: "Would you hand me the fork?"
*complete, unadulterated, nonsensical brain farts
example: I say, "Do you have the stapler?"
I mean, "Do you know what time it is?"
problem: Not only do I not get what I need, no one believes me when I
re-state my request. I hear something like,
"You meant what? That's not even close. That doesn't
even make sense!"

Whatever the Weather

We've all been chatting about the weather this week: what is it doing? What did Mike Morgan say? Who drives like crap? Which school is cancelled?

Well, I've been stressed out with the fact that UCO is not closed.

I know I cannot drive in this and, most of us agree, no one else can effectively either. So why does UCO put us in a position in which we have these two unpleasant options:

1. Risk my life and others' to drive to campus.

2. Risk my grade due to missed class time.

I think this is a lousy and unfair choice.

Edmond Schools are closed. Why isn't UCO?

To Thesis or Not to Thesis

The theme of week one is the predicament of the thesis.

Since day one of my grad school experience, I've wanted to write a master's thesis. In doing so, I thought I could get a leg up on my doctoral thesis, publish chapters as I go (thereby adding to my c.v.), and look smart and ambitious in general.

thoughtful sidebar:
This is something I took with me from my training in the theatre--if you posture yourself in a certain physical state, the emotional state will most likely follow along. For instance, when I am doing a scene in which I must cry, I will alter my breathing, adjust the focus of my eyes to the background, and clench my abdomen (essentially, enact what happens to my body when I really cry). And, by God, every time the water works get going, I get emotionally invested in the moment, and everything happens naturally from that point.

back to the point:
Therefore, I have to put myself into a challenging situation to force myself to do my best. It's weird, but it's what I do.
My dear husband knows that I have this weirdness, yet he does what he can to push me into a more pragmatic place. He says, "Why don't you just take the comps? You'll fly through it and be done faster." And, finally his ploy, paired with the eminent arrival of one infant, I decided to acquiess and take the comps.
Then, this week, my weirdness rears its ugly, weird head and snarls, "Comps are for wimps! Write the thesis, you pansy-ass!" While I care what my husband thinks, I could deny my impulse to punish myself with more work no longer.

I resolved, at the last minute, to write a thesis.

This will leave me with another semester of school in which to finish the thesis. But all of my course work is done, so I won't have another semester of tuition to pay.

Ultimately, I'm left with the fact that I really am not a glutton for punishment. I just like being a student; I like to read and write; I like to learn new things. Eventually this part of my life will be over, and I know I will be reminiscent. I need to enjoy this experience while I live it and not try too hard to rush it along.

Does this make me a bit on the dorky side of things?
Yes.
Do I care?
No.

mandeeland is a crazy land

This blog has been created for a blog class that I am taking at UCO. In it, I will reflect upon, what will surely become, the craziest semester of my academic career. This semester, I will attempt a series of scholastic, social, and filial acrobatics as I simultaneously try to take a full-time graduate schedule, teach one class, write a thesis, attend a confrence, take part in social functions, orchestrate a children's theatre camp, graduate and apply for jobs, coddle and frolick with my husband, eight year-old, four cats, and two dogs, and...oh yeah, have a baby. That's right: a baby. Some people go to Cancun on spring break; I give birth. I am due March 19. Enjoy the ride.